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Easter Patents

For some reason, people cannot get enough Easter patents. Last year’s post on Easter Patents brought ten times my normal traffic. For that, I would like to extend my gratitude. Not that I would ever want to meet up with this apparently rather odd and eclectic Easter patent crowd in person, but I do enjoy the traffic.

For the same reason I have no idea what compels someone to read about Easter patents, I have no idea what compels someone to pursue them. Inventors of all of the following devices seem, at least from the applications, to be genuinely religious. While I believe using items of a faith-based nature may hearten one’s existence, I do not quite grasp the necessity of bringing Uncle Sam into the mix to smite those similarly inclined.

Last year, I posted Easter Patents in need of more than a little divine intervention. Since they were actual patents, they had all had passed USPTO vetting. Not surprisingly, that vetting weeds out some of the most interesting legal documents you have ever seen. While most of the following applications defy description, I will try my best. And now, with no further adieu, submitted for your approval, is this year’s list of the Top 5 Easter patent applications:

Memento Timepiece Systems
Patent Application Publication #US 2006/0007788
This application relates to a timepiece which may be set with an alarm for “remembering daily the 3 p.m. time of Christ’s death.” Like nearly all untitled-6religious items, I can certainly see the solemnity and usefulness of such a device to supplement a deep seated faith-based life. What strikes me as odd, is not the item itself, but the filing of a patent application on the device which the inventor, presumptively intends to use to sue those using this religious device without his authorization. This simply cannot go well for this guy when he reaches the Pearly Gates.
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Interactive system and method of Christian devotionPatent Application Publication #US 2007/0122782
Because nothing puts holiday joy in the hearts of children quite like a three page flow chart process for dispensing gifts. It should be noted however, that the claims of this patent are limited to Bible passages, so even if this patent issues, it should not interfere with your complex Ramadan gift-giving activities.

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Portable Religious Shrine
Patent Application Publication #US 2007/0054595
According to the application, the portable religious shrine is to be used when “an ambiance suitable for religious observance is desired.” Maybe it is just me, but it seems this device may be more suitable when an “ambiance suitable for a Las Vegas trade show and/or an eighth grade science fair is desired.”
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Journey
Patent Application Publication #US 2007/0063434
Much to my chagrin, Journey refers to a novel board game, rather than to the legendary rock band. According to the application, “players move their Jesus piece around the Lord Board until they get into Heaven.” As the sole patent claim includes a name, date, address and quotation marks, I would not be surprised if we all made it to Heaven before this patent issued.

Monetary Management Affair Survey Device To Reduce Preparation And Review Costs, Reduce Errors, Reduce Time To Compile, Record And Review, Reduce Amendments, And Increase Accuracy And Improve Advisory Decisions
Patent Application Publication #US 2007/0038541
Granted, from the title, you would not think this patent application was remotely religious. You could not be more wrong. Not only is this untitledapplication religious, but it has a little something for everyone. A mere smattering of items in this application includes: Jesus, Thanksgiving, Olympics, Adam’s 930yr life span, gold fish, Genesis, Internal Revenue Code, lions, Congress, Henry VIII, King Melchizedek, boxing, psychologists, tax returns, crossword puzzles, Goliath, religious slurs, Mach 1 jets, TV, franchises, Caesar Augustus, Doomsday, King Richard the Lion-Hearted and jellyfish, not necessarily in that order. Jerome Lemelson must be turning in his grave.

That is it for this year. If you run across any interesting patents or applications, be sure to send them my way.

Brett Trout

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