Boy, do you people ever love the wacky patents. Yesterday you guys crashed my server with all the traffic. Just ’cause I am a glutton for punishment and to reward all of my newfound fans, here is more of what you have been asking for.
We have all seen the parachute hat fire escape and the I’m not dead yet, can’t you hear the bell patents, but that was turn of the century crazy. Not surprisingly, over the last hundred years or so, certain inventors have become nuttier than squirrel poo when it comes to monopolizing their tiny corner of the wacky world. Not to take anything away from Flat-D, which is indeed quite wacky, but I here is a list of what I believe to be the top ten wackiest patents in the world:
9. Artificial dog testicles Apparently, they feel just like the real thing.
8. Apparatus for delivering a baby by centrifugal force. Of course you need a catcher’s mitt and a keen eye to ensure a successful delivery.
7. Fresh (as fresh as toilet air can get)-air Breathing Device and Method Or, if you jsut find yourself jonesin’ for Jenkem.
6. Flush Toilet for a Dog. If this guy’s dog looks anything like the canine in this patent, someone needs to get the ASPCA on the horn asap.
5. Penis-Clamping Device For the Incontinent. On second thought, I think I will just go ahead and wet myself.
4. Brassiere Having Integrated inflatable Bladders for the Holding of Comestible Liquids. I thought that was just called a bra.
3. Animal Guard. This patent, dating back to 1885, was for “use with stallions for the prevention of masturbation.” The interesting part is that this patent was quickly followed by seven more patents by various inventors over the next twenty years. Since 1908, however, there has not been a single patent on such a device. Perhaps they caught the guy.
2. Pet Display Clothing. Also known as the Richard Gere gear.
1. Sphincter training device (While I am not sure if my sphincter possesses the capacity to learn any tricks, I am fairly confident I have no desire to find out).
Let me know if you find any contenders!